Hoping for another little miracle

Actually, we don't think adopting another child would be a little miracle at all- adoption is always a huge miracle. Last Friday, we were officially opproved for a second adoption! We are so excited about this. We know, Gabriel will only be eighteen months old in a few weeks, but we're ready. When we adopted Gabriel it was 18 months from when we applied to when we took him home. This is pretty much average. We started our application for a second adoption the beginning of September, so if the average holds it will still be a while until we have another baby placed with us. However, it could also be tomorrow. We would love for it to be sooner rather than later.

Gabriel has been the most beautiful gift in our lives. Even as he becomes an obstinate toddler, I still look at him and think "You are so precious. I love you so much." We don't have any concern about loving another child as much as we love him. He has shown us how love simply grows rather than dividing. We are so excited to share the love we have in our little family with another child.

We are working with LDS Family Services, which is the agency we worked with when we adopted Gabriel. One of the great things that our agency does is provide counseling and support services for birth parents without pressure or judgement. If you or someone you know would like to know more about adoption, please go to itsaboutlove.org. This is a no pressure way to learn more and you can be directed as to how to speak with an adoption counselor in your area who can help you to decide if adoption is the right option for you. You can also see our profile at www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23704159/ourMessage.jsf .

To our future child: We can't wait to meet you...we love you.

He sure is thorough

It's 10:10pm on Saturday night. Mark and I have to speak in sacrament meeting tomorrow. I've been done writing my talk for about an hour now. Mark will not be done for hours yet. I'm a little nervous about how things will be when he is in school and he has to write papers. I am afraid we will see him even less then we see him now and that's not very much. At least he's thorough. So, while I am sitting here I thought I would take the chance to write another post.

Last Thursday evening I went out to dinner with six of my friends from high school. We get together occasionally and catch up on one another's lives. I personally think that it is pretty great that we all still get along and care about each other. We had a good time.

My friend Audra asked me if Gabriel has hit the terrible 18 months yet. She said whoever said it starts at two lied. I absolutely agree! While generally Gabriel is a pleasant child, he is definitely becoming more moody. A week ago Friday was especially difficult. He woke up and said to me "who is it, Daddy?" (he calls Mark "who is it" because I use to ask him this question every time Mark came home. He has recently tacked on Daddy to the end.) He continued to ask for Daddy all day and he grew increasingly irritated with me when I couldn't produce him. He would not eat lunch at all. For those of you who have seen my son's belly (which he loves to show off) you know that skipping a meal is not normal behavior for Gabriel. He was just plain contrary. After his nap I still had not eaten lunch so I made myself a grilled cheese. I decided to make an extra one and formulated a plan. I told Gabriel "this is Mommy's and you can't have any". Of course, he ate an entire sandwich himself because of this statement. By the time Mark got home, I was exhausted emotionally and physically. It is amazing how a 17-month-old can wear you out so much.

One day this last week I was trying to get Gabriel to do something and he just wouldn't listen. Finally I said to him "am I just talking for my own entertainment?". He turned around, looked at me, and shook his head yes. I'll admit, I couldn't help but laugh. I guess better that than screaming, right? He is better about doing things for Mark, but the truth is he throws a huge fit when I leave. To be honest, I love that just a little. I just hope he does okay when we start leaving him in nursery in a few weeks. Wish us luck.

Here's some pictures of the last few months. I'll try to limit how many I post.

Halloween was fun. Isn't our little lion adorable? He won cutest boy costume at the church kids fashion show. This costume has been through all six boys on Sarah's side of the family.

Bringing home the Christmas tree, opening presents, and Sarah's siblings. Aren't they a handsome group?

I know how to handle food.

Walking around in Mommy's shoes. So cute!

And now I'm going to bed. Good night!

Last year I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. This year I unofficially have three. One is to blog more often, two is to take my LISW exam, and three is to loose weight. I suppose writing about them makes them official. Anyway, it is now the...what day is it?...it's the 13th of January and I am just now writing a post. I've been wondering why I feel so much more overwhelmed with accomplishing anything lately. It seems any task takes me twice as long as it use to and unless something is really important, it is not likely to get done in a timely fashion if at all. I've especially been thinking about how much more I had on my plate last year with an internship and classes, but how I seemed to be able to get everything done. Well, today I randomly saw this article and it gave me some insight as to why I'm feeling this way. It also helped me realize that I'm not defective and I'm not the only one.

I thankfully don't have any friends who have expressed this kind of attitude. I also feel like I was considerate to my friends with children before I became a mom. However, I think I have inflicted some unrealistic expectations on myself (I know, big surprise). I feel like I can never get enough done. No matter how hard I try, I cannot keep my house clean. There is constantly laundry or dishes to be done, or toys to pick up. I rarely get to shower before noon. I just took down our Christmas decorations yesterday. It's all I can do to get dinner on the table some days. Little things like going to the grocery store, the doctors office, or the dry cleaners take a lot of planning.

I told myself that it was due to the fact that my husband is working 50-60 hours a week and I'm babysitting a few days a week. While I'm sure these things contribute to my lack of productivity, this article helped me realize that it's because I'm a mom of a 17 month old little boy. I am constantly having to keep an eye on him. It is no exaggeration to say that if I turn my back for more than a few minutes that he will be in to something he shouldn't be. While writing this I have already had to get up and intervene/instruct about something seven times. I especially liked the part about constant use of your voice and teaching virtually everything. It's a lot to be responsible for. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and when I try to explain to Mark why I'm so tired, I feel like I have so little to actually tell about.

Yet, she is right. It is a choice that I have made to stay home with my son. Thankfully, Mark is very supportive and constantly tells me how grateful he is that I am at home. I would not choose to be anywhere else. This coming Sunday Mark and I are giving talks in Sacrament meeting and in one of the conference talks we are speaking on Dallin H. Oaks said, "There is no area of parental action that is more needful of heavenly guidance or more likely to receive it than the decisions of parents in raising their children and governing their families. This is the work of Eternity." This made me realize that even though my days are filled with an endless amount of unfinished work, dirty diapers, dirty laundry, and dirty dishes, they are also filled by the irreplaceable influence that I have on my child and that he has on me.

So, I may not be the perfect housekeeper, the most available friend, or the most influential woman on earth, but I am the most influential person in my son's life. After all the years of struggle to become a mother I need to remember how important and valuable I know the job of being a mom is. I guess sometimes I just need a little reminder and I need to give myself a little slack. I'll keep trying to work on my goals, but maybe somethings are not as important as I make them seem. We'll see how it goes.