Last year I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. This year I unofficially have three. One is to blog more often, two is to take my LISW exam, and three is to loose weight. I suppose writing about them makes them official. Anyway, it is now the...what day is it?...it's the 13th of January and I am just now writing a post. I've been wondering why I feel so much more overwhelmed with accomplishing anything lately. It seems any task takes me twice as long as it use to and unless something is really important, it is not likely to get done in a timely fashion if at all. I've especially been thinking about how much more I had on my plate last year with an internship and classes, but how I seemed to be able to get everything done. Well, today I randomly saw this article and it gave me some insight as to why I'm feeling this way. It also helped me realize that I'm not defective and I'm not the only one.
I thankfully don't have any friends who have expressed this kind of attitude. I also feel like I was considerate to my friends with children before I became a mom. However, I think I have inflicted some unrealistic expectations on myself (I know, big surprise). I feel like I can never get enough done. No matter how hard I try, I cannot keep my house clean. There is constantly laundry or dishes to be done, or toys to pick up. I rarely get to shower before noon. I just took down our Christmas decorations yesterday. It's all I can do to get dinner on the table some days. Little things like going to the grocery store, the doctors office, or the dry cleaners take a lot of planning.
I told myself that it was due to the fact that my husband is working 50-60 hours a week and I'm babysitting a few days a week. While I'm sure these things contribute to my lack of productivity, this article helped me realize that it's because I'm a mom of a 17 month old little boy. I am constantly having to keep an eye on him. It is no exaggeration to say that if I turn my back for more than a few minutes that he will be in to something he shouldn't be. While writing this I have already had to get up and intervene/instruct about something seven times. I especially liked the part about constant use of your voice and teaching virtually everything. It's a lot to be responsible for. I'm exhausted at the end of the day and when I try to explain to Mark why I'm so tired, I feel like I have so little to actually tell about.
Yet, she is right. It is a choice that I have made to stay home with my son. Thankfully, Mark is very supportive and constantly tells me how grateful he is that I am at home. I would not choose to be anywhere else. This coming Sunday Mark and I are giving talks in Sacrament meeting and in one of the conference talks we are speaking on Dallin H. Oaks said, "There is no area of parental action that is more needful of heavenly guidance or more likely to receive it than the decisions of parents in raising their children and governing their families. This is the work of Eternity." This made me realize that even though my days are filled with an endless amount of unfinished work, dirty diapers, dirty laundry, and dirty dishes, they are also filled by the irreplaceable influence that I have on my child and that he has on me.
So, I may not be the perfect housekeeper, the most available friend, or the most influential woman on earth, but I am the most influential person in my son's life. After all the years of struggle to become a mother I need to remember how important and valuable I know the job of being a mom is. I guess sometimes I just need a little reminder and I need to give myself a little slack. I'll keep trying to work on my goals, but maybe somethings are not as important as I make them seem. We'll see how it goes.